Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Don't Call It A Countdown - Day 8 - Bestest Santa Ever

We have quite a few Santas on our tree.  Most of them are pretty alright.  One of them is kind of creepy.  He's got these knobby white legs sticking out of shorts and stuff.  But he's playing baseball so we keep him.  (That's pretty much all it takes around these parts.)  One of them is super cool and made of hand blown glass.  Except each of his limbs was made separately and they're all held together with little o-rings and, yeah, that doesn't photograph well.  Looks super cool in person.  In pictures looks like the Frankenstein of Santa Clauses.

My absolute favorite Santa ornament, though, is this one:

D'aww!  Isn't he the cutest thing?!  Lookit his little beard!  And his teeny hat!  And he has little, bitty bells for feet!  He's just the cutest little guy.  Plus his whole body is only like an inch squared.  So when I say he's a tiny little guy, he really is a tiny little guy.

He's the bestest little Santa ever.

He has a little gumdrop/snowman companion but apparently that one is camera shy because seriously - I tried like seven times and the damn thing just would not focus.  So I'm stickin' with Santa tonight.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Don't Call It A Countdown - Day 7 - Luck 'O The Irish Edition

So... obviously I have an Irish Christmas tree ornament right?  Know what I really like about this?  It's actually three or four different colors of green and it has glitter.  Perfect storm of Irish ornament.  

Also, yep, that's totally a penguin in the background.

That's not the point.  But it's solid all the same.

Um, yeah.  I made a wonderfully poor decision last night.  I stayed up way later than normal hanging out with Steve and a couple of his cousins, who were over to watch the hockey game.  It was delightful because they're cool dudes and funny and all.  It was an awful decision because that led to me being very tired and grumpy all day.  Not super.

So... I'm going to sleep now.  And I'm going to dream about glittery green tree ornaments.

Okay, probably not.  But so long as they're not part of the zombie apocalypse (which I've legitimately dreamt about, by the way) it'd probably be a pretty cool dream.  Glittery anyway.  Zombies might be better if there's glitter involved.  It might help their public image.  It's all about PR.  Or so I hear.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Don't Call It A Countdown - Day 6 - For Realsies This Time

I just had the most baffling conversation with Steve in which it became clear that he doesn't even know if he reads my blog or not.

So that's neat.  I guess that means I can complain about him then.  Cool.

Also my power cord for my laptop is totally fucked right now.  So I'm trying to type this one-handed (and doing a fairly good job at that, if i do say so myself) while trying to hold the cord in just right so that my whole freaking computer won't shut down.  I'm trying to stay positive (because apparently my mom doesn''t remember that I'm a smartass by nature while simultaneously being entertained by that) but seriously, this kind of sucks.  But since this is already my second or third power cord for this laptop (and they're damn expensive) I really don't want to get another one.  ugh.

Anyway, lately, I sort of feel like everything's breaking on me lately.  My car broke.  my computer's kind of jacked.  Our TV broke (though, bright spot there, it fixed itself - but that seems shady to me.  I'm assuming it's going to break again) two of my favorite pairs of shoes have heels are worn down to the nubs.  I kind of feel like I need a hug.

Which makes me happy we have this little guy who's just waiting to give out hugs.  Isn't he cute?  He's all string and top hat and hugs.  And he's got a little scarf!  He's so cute!  I just love him.

I just wish he was full sized so I could have a full sized hug.  Boo.

Don't Call It A Countdown - Day 4.5 (Cause I Forgot Edition)

I got carried away with the Ghost of Christmas Present... and a sea of dirty dishes last night and by the time we got home from dinner with Steve's parents and grandparents I had just enough time to fold a load of laundry and go to bed.

... And I sort of forgot to do a blog post.


I thought about it.  I said to myself "Self, you need to do a blog post."  And then I went to sleep instead.

That's the problem with me.  Given the choice between sleep and other stuff, I'm generally inclined to pick sleep.  I'm a bum.

You know what else tends to get forgotten?  All the other reindeer.  Don't get me wrong, Rudolph's great an all.  But some times I feel bad for, like Blitzen and the boys.  Sure they made fun of Rudy a few times when they were kids, but they were kids.  We all did things we regret when we were kids.  And adolescent reindeer will be adolescent reindeer after all.  I'm sure they're not bad people, er, reindeer.  They just got carried away by the mob mentality of the moment.  I especially feel bad for Donner.  Because Rudolph is his son in the movie and, man, he does not get portrayed well at all.  Straight up jerk right there.  And that's probably not true.  Donner's probably an alright deer.  He's just misunderstood, that's all.


I'll be back again later for full non-countdown coverage!

UPDATE:  I forgot to say:  The thing I like best about this ornament is that, simply by living with the other ornaments in a box for the rest of the year, he now has glitter-butt.  And that's awesome.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Don't Call It A Countdown - Day 4 - Hockey Edition

Steve and I just watched the first episode of this season's 24/7.  The Flyers/Rangers road to the Winter Classic.  (Aside:  I find the commercial for the winter classic with the little song and the cameos and whatnot insanely entertaining.  And catchy.)  Since Steve and I have been together I've become a hockey fan so these things interest me now.  And frankly I'm sorely disappointed in the Twins right now.  I mean seriously.  You couldn't do better than 30 million.  Really?  I mean honestly you could have done a telethon and probably gotten half of that.  Fail, Twins.  Fail.  But honestly, I'm kind of so upset about that I don't even want to talk about it.

What I learned about this episode of 24/7 is:  I probably shouldn't watch it.  For the same reason it's bad for me to watch Planet Earth.  Yes it's awesome.  Yes I really enjoy it.  But every time I start to think "awww, that animal is so cute" it gets eaten by a wolf or something.  And then I'm sad.  I root for the wrong animals.  It's very disappointing.  

Tonight 24/7 started, some hockey player started talking and I said "he's kind of cute."  Then Steve said "yeah, he's out with a concussion now."  


Then later on they were talking about some dude on the Flyers who's apparently, like, really good at hockey.  Sweet.  Then he talked for a while and he was pretty modest and fairly well spoken and I thought to myself "he's got a nice smile and a cool accent.  I like him."  Then they showed the footage of him getting hit in the head and getting a concussion.  

It's like the animals in Planet Earth.  When I start liking somebody in 24/7, they get a concussion.  This is not cool.

I know what you're thinking - the likelihood of hockey players getting concussions is pretty high.  I say this: The likelihood of animals getting eaten is pretty high too, it still sucks.

Extreme close up of the vase filled with ornaments that won't fit on our tree!  (In my head that was in the Wayne's World voice.)  I like the colors.  Plus! Glitter.  So, you know, that makes a mess out of everything.  Anyhow, I like it.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Call It A Countdown You Mustn't - Day 3 - Geek Girl Edition

One of the things I like best about myself (stick with me here, I'm pretty sure this turns out way better than it sounds) is that I'm just a gigantic nerd.  Seriously.  Big.  Fat.  Nerd.

I am a geek girl.  (I watched a video a few weeks ago about calling yourself a geek woman rather than girl and, wow, it made totally awesome, valid points that I totally agreed with.  Geek girl just rolls off the tongue so much better though.)

And that kicks ass.  Like I said, probably the coolest thing about me.  Super big nerd.  It's where a lot of my humor comes from and I'm also kinda smart so that's cool too.  Pretty sweet package overall, the nerdiness.

Settle in for a long-ass story - because there's bonus Christmas nonsense today!  (Man I hope that's incentive.)

Awhile back Steve and I were in the car on the way home from somewhere and - searching for something we hadn't talked about already that day - I said:

"I was reading Wil Wheaton's Blog the other day and -"

"Whoa, wait," he interrupted, "you were reading Wil Wheaton's blog?"


"You were?"

"Yeeeees." (This seemed pretty obvious to me, as I had just said so.)


"Because it's funny?"  (Again, these are the things that seem obvious to me.)

"But you don't like Wil Wheaton."

"Why wouldn't I like Whil Wheaton?!" (Seriously, we kept saying his full name.  What's up with that?)

"You've never watched Star Trek.  You're not into that.  What reason would you have to be a fan of Wil Wheaton?"

"Stand by Me."

"Are you kidding?"

"And Toy Soldiers."  (Seriously - Toy Soldiers was, and remains, part of my reasoning.)

"... I... what... that doesn't even make sense, Hun."

"Sure it does.  He's the kid from Stand by Me.  Which I love.  So I love him.  Then he was in Toy Soldiers.  Which I also love.  For some reason.  So I keep loving him.  Now he has a really funny blog which I read and love.  And he guest stars on stuff I usually watch and enjoy.  So I love him."

"But he's best known for a role on Star Trek, which you don't and never have watched."


"So that's why people know him."

"But that's not why I know him."

"But that's not why everyone else knows him."

"I don't see how that's a reason why I shouldn't read his blog."

"... I guess.  Go on."

I proceeded to tell him whatever I'd read on Wil Wheaton's blog that had made me giggle and, as we were getting out of the car a few minutes later Steve said to me:

"Seriously, Hun, you should just watch Star Trek already.  You're so close to you're black belt in nerd, Hun, just go for it already."

...And that was hilarious.

A few days later I sent him an email that said:
"So I've been meaning to ask:  If I do watch Star Trek, do I get an actual black belt?  And if so, what does a black belt in nerd look like exactly?  Does it have decals?  (I personally think it should have decals.)  Does it come with a holster for a light saber?  It seems like any sort of belt for a nerd should come with holsters for various weapons - swords, stakes, phasers, light sabers, etc.  Is there a ceremony of some kind involved?  Like a crowning, but with a belt instead of a crown?  A belting, if you will?

Also, inquiring minds want to know (okay, well one inquiring mind wants to know): does nerdery follow the standard levels of belting:  i.e. white, yellow, orange, green, purple, red, brown, black?  What does one have to do to attain the various lever?  Am I really a brown belt nerd?  I know I'm nerdy, I like my nerdiness, still."

His response was:  "ummm... sure?  I don't know, Hun, it was just a joke.  But I this this conversation proves your a nerd already."

And because I'm unwilling to let things go:
"Well I'm not denying that I'm a nerd, sweetie.  I think that's been pretty blatantly obvious for quite some time now.  But... it was a good joke, and now I want a black belt in nerd.  I could do it, if I train hard enough... I can do the crane like Daniel-Son!  Sweep the leg!  Wait, no.  That was Johnny, dammit.  Wouldn't it be cool?  My black belt in nerd with like a little Nintendo controller on it, and - I don't know, like a Lego brick or something, and... a little TARDIS! and it could have a little holster for my blaster (cause hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side and all.)  It would be my nerdy badge of honor."

... And then Steve stopped talking to me about this topic.  That was probably the right plan of action for his sanity.  But we don't value sanity that much in our house.

I'm sharing all of this because tonight the super huge geek girl inside me had a very exciting night.  Why?

See that?
And that?

I made those.


I made paper snowflakes that look like Yoda and Boba Fett!  Hee!

I have more that look like Darth Vader, C3PO, a Storm Trooper and a Clone Trooper.  (When I showed them to Steve he said to me "You know it's seriously hot that you know the difference, on sight, between a storm trooper and a clone trooper, right?"  Which made me laugh.  Because, yeah, I kinda do know that.)

Now before we get too crazy I didn't just make these up.  I made them from templates.  Which I originally read about on EPBOT (which I love to pieces) but the TARDIS one looked way too complicated for me to attempt.  Then I saw them again, specifically the Star Wars ones, on Geeks are Sexy, which I check several times a day and may be the site I look at more than any other actually.  It's awesome sauce.  Plus - completely accurate title.  The Star Wars designs got me much more interested and once Boba Fett got into the mix (via Anthony Herrera Designs, which is also included in the GaS article) I was hooked.  It was tricky, especially Yoda.  There are some really teeny cuts in there.  But so, so cool.

When I finished Yoda, I said to Steve "Hunny, you have to come and look at this.  It's so cool!"  I'm not kidding, I was literally bouncing.
Steve loves the Fett.  So I knew I could get him on board with this.

I had decided earlier today to post a picture of our Yoda tree ornament tonight:
Because of course we have a Yoda Christmas tree ornament.  It may not be the first thing that occurs to you, but once you start thinking about it - you don't want to live in a world where we don't.  I don't want to live in a world where we don't anyway.  I mean seriously.  Yoda ornaments should be the new pickles (you know? the Christmas pickle tradition?) - and that's as someone who totally loves pickles too.

That reminds me - I have a pretty great story about standing up for the awesomeness of Yoda as a, like, 8-year-old that I'm not sure I've ever actually told anyone.  Once upon a time I joined some friends who were playing in the school yard by our house.  They were talking about Star Wars, which I had recently seen for the first time, and which characters were their favorites.  They asked me who I liked best and I told them - Yoda.  Because Yoda was, and is, the shit.  What I didn't know or particularly understand at the time was that they weren't necessarily talking about who was the best character (Yoda) they were talking about who was the cutest.  This was the Han Vs. Luke conversation.  (The answer is Han, by the way.)  So their response to me was a fairly incredulous "Yoda?  Ew.  He has ear hair."  No joke, this was like 20 years ago and I remember specifically that they pointed out ear hair.  I gotta tell you they teased me pretty hard for probably 10, 15 minutes or so and the whole time I was like "Whatever, Yoda is way better than Luke." (Which is totally true, by the way.)  And they kind of made me feel like crap.  It's not really their fault either, I didn't get what that conversation was really about until I reflected on it many years later.  And not even that I wasn't aware of boys being cute at that point or anything - I just wasn't there for the beginning.  Anyway - the point of the story:  Even at 8 years old, Yoda was freaking awesome.  And even now, faced with the question "Who's better: Han or Luke?"  I'm probably just as likely to say Yoda as I was then.  Because Yoda's still the best character.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Don't Call It A Countdown - Day Two - First World Problems

This post will henceforth be known as "the one where she complained about sunshine" or "Stupid Sun" or, more probably "Seriously, What is She On"?

The good news is my mom thinks I'm funny.  So there.  

A little bit of back story here – We have had, like, four days of rain here in Minnesota.  Just your typical December weather.  You know, plus roughly 30 degrees.  But whatever.  Nothing is wrong with the environment!  Mind your business.  (That was my impression of... dumb, I guess.)  My point being, it’s been pretty dark and gloomy for about a week.  I’m not kidding.  It got cloudy on Sunday afternoon and that was that.

Earlier today I wasn’t thinking I was going to have anything to ramble on about.  Because I was neck deep into a spreadsheet that is generally the bane of my existence and just, oh my god, the stupidity.  The complete, abject and total stupidity of this spreadsheet.  And how incredibly manual everything is and seriously, what the hell just, why?  (To put this into perspective I normally have a fair amount of patience with the spreadsheets that are my working life.  No seriously, I do.  However - I've spent the last three full days at work fighting with Microsoft Access and so now, basically, everything is just incredibly dumb.  So the things that were just kind of dumb before are horrifying stupid.  And the things that were face-palm worthy before induce the above rant.)

So yeah, I was thinking about that most of the day.

This afternoon, still working on the same spreadsheet, the sun just came from nowhere and blinded the shit out of me.  But then it went away.  So I was still sitting there in my chair being all like "what is that bright ball of gas in the sky?" when it got cloudy and normal again, so I went back to work.  This proceeded to happen over and over again for the next two hours.  Basically I kept thinking about closing the blinds but every time it was like "well, now it's cloudy again, oh well.  Problem solved."  Then ten minutes later "holy crap, what the?  Why can't I see anything?"

Anyway - my overall points are these:
1) Man, the sun is annoying.
2) This is not rambling, this is free association run amok.  My mom said so.  So there.  Neener neener.

Since I started out yesterday with a penguin, I thought it was only fair to have a monkey today - for steve.  This one is make of blown glass, so it's an annual Christmas miracle that we don't break it.  I also really dig his little Santa hat and the fact that he hangs from his legs.  It's a pretty cool ornaments and easily one of my favorites.  ... It actually just occurred to me that I don't if Steve really likes this ornament or not.  I hope he does, cuz I think it's super cool.  Plus it's a monkey.  So come on, it's a monkey.  What else do you need?  A penguin with it maybe?  That would make it better, come to think of it.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Don’t Call it a Countdown – Day 1

I don’t really like all the countdown type of things various… well mostly television channels do at Christmas time.  In my opinion, no matter what particular carols or ABC Family will tell you there aren’t “days” of Christmas.  There’s Christmas.  There’s Christmas Eve.  If you want to get super technical (and/or you live in Britain and/or Canada) there’s Boxing Day.  That’s about it.  This whole 12, 15, 25 Days of Christmas thing bugs me.

Don’t get me wrong I like to put up our tree as soon as possible.  If Steve would let me it would go up the day after Thanksgiving.  He doesn’t though so I usually have to wait until the first weekend in December.  If I further had my way it would stay up until February.  I don’t get my way then either, though, and so it gets taken down shortly after New Years.  Apparently it’s “more special” this way.  I don’t think he understands – the Christmas tree is awesome and length of display does not dispel from said awesomeness.  Duh.

Anyway… I like our decorations and I have a tendency to take pictures of them.

It has also come to my attention recently that I don’t really have much to “say” exactly, but I do seem to ramble a lot.  And some people find that entertaining.  And by “some people” I mean “mostly me.”
And finally, I recently came upon the need to – metaphorically – say “suck it – I like my pictures” to particular people.  Which… I can’t really talk more about to the whole internet, because I’m not a moron.  
But it made me think of something that, historically, Kris Kristofferson is known for saying; more personally, my dad is known to quote; and more recently, The Bloggess made into a card in her shop (Don't let the bastards get you down) – which is making me giggle.  A lot.  I especially like the Winnie the Pooh-esque balloons.  Very festive.

Anyhoodle – I’m thinking that for every day between now and Christmas (which, incidentally, is 12 days so I guess that makes this a partridge in a pear tree) I’m going to post a picture of one of our decorations and something – possibly about that decoration or possibly just me rambling about how I don’t like ABC Family very much.  

Just don’t call it a countdown.  I don’t like that.
I can't see any better way to start something off than with a penguin.  Obviously.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Tiny Little Lights

Psst... you wanna know a secret?

I really like Christmas lights.

They may be one of my most favorite things actually.

I mean... I know they're basically pointless and a drain of energy and may possibly make people who don't celebrate Christmas feel uncomfortable or lonely or sad or something.

I'm mostly guessing at that last bit because I do celebrate Christmas so I really have no idea how the lights make people who don't celebrate Christmas feel.  I'm basing this guess primarily on a song a fictional 8-year-old made of construction paper sang once.  I'm realizing this might not be the best basis for a guess ever.  Unless I'm playing some kind of game about beliefs held by the characters on South Park.  That would be a really hard game - those kids change their damn minds a lot.

That was what we in the biz refer to as a "tangent."  By "biz" I mean... uhhh rambling professionally.  Only not professionally.  Because I don't make money doing this.  Amateur rambling.  Olympic qualifiable rambling.  Yeah.  That "biz."

So, anyway.  Back to Christmas lights.  Despite their possibly less desirable qualities, I really like them.  They're just neat.  In my humble opinion.

They just make me feel... good inside.  I'm not so sure I'd go so far as to say they specifically make me happy.  But damn I love Christmas lights.  They're just great.

...And now that I've written all of that and spent a lot of time looking at these pictures I realize they kind of look like little penises.

UPDATED:  Oh man... I just realized that I only took pictures of our outdoor lights which are all white, because I like white lights outside and the multi-colored ones on the tree.  But the ones inside weren't focusing correctly and eventually I gave up and didn't save any pictures of them.  So now my Christmas lights might be racist as well as insensitive to other religions.  Before I was just suddenly worried my lights were those jerks who insist on saying Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays because they know it makes some people uncomfortable and/or sad.  Now I'm worried my lights might be part of the Klan or something.  Which, you know, way worse.  I mean, those people suck but they're not the klan.... oh jeeze.

FURTHER UPDATED: Just to be clear: I'm joking.  And trying to be funny.